


i remember how we used to shine

by softambrollins



Category: Professional Wrestling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fix-It, Fluff, Future Fic, Happy Ending, M/M, Reunions, basically dean and seth finally get their happy ending because i do what i want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 15:43:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20566835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softambrollins/pseuds/softambrollins
Summary: Five years later, Dean Ambrose returns to a very different WWE. And a very different Seth Rollins.





	i remember how we used to shine

**Author's Note:**

> I was being a huge hypocrite (again) and thinking about how it's a shame we'll never get a storyline about all the real life drama after Dean left the company. Which I want to completely forget about and pretend never happened, obviously. But whatever, anything for the sake of Ambrollins angst, right. I don't really have any shame left. Also, this is obviously pure fantasy. I honestly don't want him to ever come back.

Seth's backstage at the Rumble when it happens, watching the action in the ring on a monitor. The buzzer sounds for #30 and after a momentary silence that seems to go on forever — his music hits. And Seth's jaw actually drops. And there's no way, it has to be a mistake or something. The crowd's going wild and everyone around him backstage is freaking out. And Seth just feels like all the air's been sucked out of the entire building. He just stares transfixed at the screen as it happens, the rest of the world drowned out completely. His eyes follow him down the ramp, and into the ring — and he registers that he still walks the same way, moves the same way, fights the same way. He cuts a swathe through the half a dozen people left in the ring, who all seem just as shocked, and after a couple minutes of back-and-forth, he finally dumps the last guy out and the crowd erupts. And Seth can't _be_ here anymore. Someone turns to say something to him but he doesn't hear it, he just ignores everyone, pushes past them and makes his way back to the locker room, feeling like he can't catch his breath suddenly, heart pounding in his chest, his head spinning, his legs unsteady like he's walking underwater or through a dream. He grabs his stuff and gets out of dodge as quickly as he can.

It's too much. He just _can't_ — he can't deal with this right now.

*

He avoids him the next night at Raw. Until he can't anymore. Until everyone he runs into is telling him "Ambrose wants to talk to you" and "Your boy's looking for you" and he's getting text messages every couple minutes that he doesn't bother looking at. _Okay, fine_, he decides. Best to just get this over with, rip the bandaid off. He doesn't think he can face him like this alone, though. After all this time.

Which is how he ends up standing in the centre of the ring and calling him out. 

"You said you wanted to talk, so let's talk."

He doesn't know what the hell to expect, and neither does the crowd. They're both different people now. He doesn't know why Dean's here or what he wants. Maybe it should've just been the two of them, backstage, in a hotel room, at some bar downtown, but so much of their story has played out in front of the world and it kind of feels like they're a part of this too now. For better or worse. Maybe it's safer this way, more comfortable for him, as strange as that might sound. The fans have always been there for him, through everything, and he's never needed them more than he has over the last couple years. But now, it's just — him and Dean in a ring together for the first time in five years. And the thought of that is equally exhilarating and terrifying.

His music hits and god, he's not gonna get used to that again for a long time. He just walks down the ramp, gets in the ring, grabs a mic, and looks at Seth. Expression perfectly calm, relaxed, with almost a hint of a smile. Like this happens all the time. Like he never left. Like this is just a casual occurrence. Like Seth hasn't spent the last twenty-four hours on the verge of a complete emotional breakdown thinking about what he would say to him when they were finally face-to-face again.

The roar of the crowd builds to a climax as they just stand there in the centre of the ring, staring at each other, and then it slowly begins to fade away. Until it's eerily quiet, until it feels like it's just him and Dean in an empty building.

He can't tear his eyes away from him. He literally feels like he's looking at a ghost. Dean's been haunting him for years, even when he wasn’t here. He's always been some kind of presence with him, unwanted or not, he's always felt like the voice in the back of his head. Sometimes encouraging, sometimes way too truthful, making him look himself in the face when he didn't want to. Seth's never really been alone after all.

They're older now, they look different, Seth can feel the years wearing on his bones and muscles every morning when he wakes up, their bodies have been through hell and back in the last five years, the last twenty years. Their hearts and souls have probably been through more. But Dean looks at him now and it feels like the very first day, the first time he'd locked eyes with him, issuing a wordless challenge, back in FCW. 

"What the hell are you doing here, man?" he finally asks, his voice already sounding unsteady. 

"I'm back… I guess." He sounds just as surprised by that fact as Seth is. 

"And you didn't tell me first? _Again?_" Seth could almost laugh at the absurdity of it all. It feels like some kind of sick joke.

"I didn't know if you'd wanna hear from me," Dean says tentatively. They've talked a couple times over the years, run into each other, texted on and off. But it was never about any of _this_, never anything serious. It's like they've been avoiding talking about all of this until this very moment. A moment he thought would never come.

Seth frowns at his words, but he'll save figuring out exactly what that means for later. There are more important concerns right now. "But why? Why'd you come back?" he asks, genuinely confused.

It doesn't make any sense. Dean has said over the years that he was never coming back. Never to Seth himself, but Dean didn't tell him a lot of things.

Dean takes a breath before looking at him, expression open and earnest. "It just didn't feel right somehow. Didn't feel complete. Never being in the same ring as you and Roman again. That's all. That's why I'm here."

And this really doesn't feel real now. He's dreamt about this, this exact moment, knowing that it would never happen. That it was useless to hope. That when Dean said 'This isn't goodbye', it wasn't the truth.

"Do you really mean that?" he asks, hushed.

"Yeah. The other stuff. The rumble. Wrestlemania. The title. That's just a bonus." He makes it sound simple, but this isn't. It's never been simple. Dean can't just walk back into his life like this without a warning and think that everything will be fine, that it'll be just like it used to be. Because maybe Dean still looks at him like he did the very first day, but Seth is definitely not that person anymore. He's not the same guy who Dean left five years ago.

"I'm —" Seth just blinks up at him. "Sorry. I think I just need some time to process all of this."

"Yeah, I get that. Okay." Dean nods, but he's unable to hide what almost looks like disappointment, his body shifting away from Seth just the slightest, his eyes falling to the floor. 

Seth just looks at him then, and realises, maybe for the first time, _Oh, he's really right here._ Standing right in front of him again. He just has to reach his arm out and he can touch him if he wanted to... And then _everything_ — everything he's felt over the last five years and never had the chance to say — just comes spilling out.

"I didn't think you'd ever come back. I thought it was just _done_. For good. Forever. That we'd never be what we used to be ever again. And it broke my fucking heart. And I didn't know how to deal with that. So I was just so angry. Angry at you. Angry at myself. At _everything_."

"I know," Dean says, meeting his gaze again. "I don't think I understood then what it would do to you, but I understand now."

"I wanted you to be happy," Seth tells him honestly. "More than anything. But maybe some small part of me, some terrible, shameful part of me, wanted them to fail. Because I just wanted you here with me, no matter how fucking selfish that was."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before," Dean says gently, stepping just the tiniest bit closer to him, almost looking like he's stopping himself from touching him. "I owed you that much at least."

"It's okay. I understand why you didn't. You had to do what was right for you. You didn't owe me anything," Seth says, shaking his head, shaking away his apology. They're beyond apologies, have been for a long time. This is just about being honest with each other now. "But it still fucking _hurt_. A lot." 

"I didn't want to hurt you," Dean tells him, his eyes full of regret. "Somehow I thought not telling you would hurt less. But I guess I just didn't want to have to see you look at me like I was betraying you. I couldn't fucking _stand_ the thought of that."

"Maybe it felt like that at first," Seth admits. "But I think the worst part was that I really couldn't blame you for anything. I get it. I know why you had to leave. It was just almost impossible to even imagine you not being here. It's just been _you and me_ from the beginning. Here. Together. I didn't know what I _was_ without that. I didn't know how to be here, how to do this without you."

"You did okay, though," Dean says, voice scratchy. 

"Yeah… For a while," Seth says, nodding, then meeting his eyes in a weighty stare.

All he had to hold on to at first was the Universal Title, and he'd do anything to keep it. To keep that spot, as _the guy_, to be the captain of the ship and steer them into the future as they were staring down so many new adversaries. It was like a thousand-pound burden on his shoulders every single day, but that's what he wanted — to live up to everything he's ever wanted to be. To prove he was worth it. 

He did a lot of bad things over the years in the name of the greater good, and when he finally lost the title, when the pressure was finally just too much, it was like all of that was for nothing. And maybe it was never worth it in the first place. Maybe it was just all he had left. The only thing keeping the emptiness and the loneliness and the darkness at bay. 

He's always had something dark inside of him, something he's fought with for years and years, and this was his biggest test. And he almost lost, almost fell deep into that wretched, hopeless place again, almost gave up his soul to the demons in his head. But then he remembered who he was, everything he'd been through, everything he'd done to reclaim himself and the things he'd loved and lost. And he couldn't let them down, everyone who'd ever believed in him. Couldn't let himself down. _Never again._

Then he had to figure out who he was now, all alone, no brothers, no titles. Not the Kingslayer or the Architect, just Seth Rollins, the man, and maybe it was a good thing in the end. He's seen some dark, dark days and he's only now beginning to make it out on the other side. He never expected Dean to be here now, though.

"I hated seeing you like that," Dean confesses.

"I know. I tried to keep it together for a while, but it was just too much." He sighs heavily. "On top of everything else. Everything going on with the company and the business. And I've never been that good at following the straight and narrow without you."

Dean's always been the one to lead his heart in the right direction. Without that, he was truly lost. He had to find his own way, his own compass to guide himself back to the light. 

"I wish I could've been here to help you," he murmurs.

Seth shrugs. "Wasn't your fault. Not your mess to clean up. It just made me feel stupid and pathetic. Like maybe this meant more to me than it did to you. Maybe it always did." 

"Yeah, that does sound stupid," Dean agrees, and Seth actually laughs at that. 

"God, Seth, you don't even know," he continues, his voice drenched in all the pain and heartbreak of the last five years. "How hard it was to leave you behind. You and Roman were the best thing to ever happen to me. And you always will be. But I just needed to be _me_ for a little while. And I couldn't do that here." 

"I know," Seth says, giving him a genuine smile for the first time. "I was so proud of you. Every day you were gone. Seeing you being exactly who you were supposed to be. Seeing you being fucking amazing."

"It's hard sometimes," Dean acknowledges. "To let yourself be happy. To let yourself get everything you ever wanted. To feel like it's really yours, like you deserve it."

"And did you? Get everything you ever wanted?" Seth asks, soft and uncertain.

"I thought I did," Dean tells him, quietly, significantly. "But maybe not just yet."

*

A month later, they win the tag titles in matching gear again and they just hold onto each other in the center of the ring like they never want to let go, Seth's face tucked deep into his neck, eyes closed, Dean's arms around his shoulders, hands in his hair. 

When they're back at gorilla, Dean pulls him in close again and kisses him this time, hot and urgent and breathless, like he's been waiting for this for so, so long. And it's better than any dream he's ever had in the last five years, in all his life. 

Roman grabs them both a minute later and pulls them into a crushing embrace, and he can't remember the last time everything felt so completely right.

Later in a hotel room bed, Dean tattoos the words into his skin with every kiss. _I missed you I missed you God I missed you so fucking much._

"Don't ever leave me again," Seth tells him, desperate, like a plea, mouth pressed against his shoulder before they fall asleep tightly curled together. 

Dean kisses his forehead softly. "I won't. I promise. Never."

*

He wins the Universal Title at Wrestlemania, with Seth in his corner. 

Dean presses their foreheads together in the middle of the ring, his eyes swimming with emotion, gently strokes his fingers over Seth's cheek. "I wouldn't have this without you," he says, voice low and intimate. 

"You deserve it," Seth tells him, smiling at him so hard that it hurts. And finally, he looks like he believes it.


End file.
